Jake

I grew up in Los Angeles, California and stayed in and around my hometown until moving to West Lafayette, Indiana to study at Purdue University after high school. I've now been in Indiana for three years. I study Art History and Public Relations – I'm happy with these majors because I enjoy studying art and the people that make the art more than I enjoy "doing" art. That's not to say I don't love to make art, because I do, but art history is just so much more interesting to me. I'm very proud of the photographs I've taken but I just really thrive when it comes to art history. Something about it is engrained in the way I understand experiences – reading someone's story and seeing the work that they've produced just synthesizes really well with who I am and how I experience and see the world.

I find it helpful to me to label my sexuality. I identify as bisexual to people. I am someone who really values other people's feelings (which is both a blessing and a curse) because I feel like I can connect with people and help people through things. I want to be someone who can help people with hard times. I came out a year ago and at first, I tried to make my sexuality a very small part of my life. I kind of pushed it down and tried to be very quiet about it because I was like: "Alright, I'm out, I don't have to talk about it anymore." But I've found that it's something that’s very important to me and something that I use to make informed decisions such as who I associate with and how I vote politically because now that I've accepted myself as a part of the community I'm starting to become more in tune with the things this community has to deal with.

My experience here in Indiana has been extremely limited because I've only been to West Lafayette and Indianapolis. So far, because I choose very carefully who to surround myself with, I've found that it's pretty inclusive for me. I've had friends that really struggle in some areas of the state because of the conservative values and the emphasis placed on Christianity of some pockets of the state. Yet for me, I have not had any particular outspoken issues but I know it's a problem to other people. I try not to think of my experiences here in Indiana in a negative way or in a way that I'd change. I've had a lot of experiences that have shifted my perceptions but I wouldn't take anything back. I am who I am today and am fighting the fights and I'm doing better than I've ever before.

I think L.A. shaped my sexuality to some extent. Los Angeles is a very free-spirited city. The community is very go with the flow and be yourself regardless of who you are...and that's really cool. So yes, that shaped my sexuality to some extent.

In regards to my fears about being bisexual in Indiana, I have plenty. I'm afraid that at some point people who I've trusted with the information about my sexuality and the people that I've found I can relate to on this, are going to turn. I've already experienced this before in the means that being bisexual puts you on the fringes of a lot of communities – it's always felt like an in between space to everyone. After I came out, I had people who would constantly try to prove that I was either gay or straight and they were very critical. I felt constantly doubted and questioned by people as if I had to prove myself one way or the other. I'm afraid that I'm going to end up alone or in this transient state where I don't belong with my friends who identify as straight or my friends who identify as gay and I'll just be floating. I know that the people who love me and care about me are not going to do that, but it's always in the back of my mind. I also fear first telling people about my sexuality. So many people have asked: "...why don't you just pick one?" And I just wish people would stop trying to justify everything. I found myself referring to my actions as gay or something that I believed was gay. But it's hard because I'm not gay – I'm attracted to a lot of men but I'm also attracted to a lot of women.

I feel most accepted in my living room here at Purdue to be honest. I have control over who I bring over – I only bring over people I feel accepted by. It's a place where I've had a lot of conversations about me with my roommate or other people. I've never had a bad experience in my living room and it's kind of my safe zone. If I'm discussing something with you in the living room, I have this trust that you will respect my views and my rights as a person.